Introduction

30 Jan

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Reindeer jumper? Check. Serial relationship saboteur? Check. Recently single? (As in Yesterday?) Check-check.

* Check for fruits, check for vegetables. Go on. *

It comes as no surprise that I find myself under my duvet, alone, glass of wine in hand and the Nigella Lawson food porn collection on repeat at 8 at night.

Perhaps this retreat to hermitage could be put down to the fact that the extra 5kgs that has decided to nestle itself on my hips isn’t just bloating; it’s pre-spinster cellulite, which just viciously popped the top button off my 32” waist jeans.

* In this body there is a thin person dying to get out…just the one dear? *

More than likely it has something to do with my periodic viewings of Bridget Jones Diary and the subsequent association of her particularly wobbly image of middle-agedness with my day-to-day life.

I can’t for the life of me figure out why. Why her?

As far as pathetic protagonists go she definitely takes the cake and eats it too.

* Her sweat and blood went into this cake and you will not leave this platform until you have consumed the entire confection! *

Wallowing in her dead-end job, waiting ever so patiently for life to toss the man of her dreams into her lap. Yet somehow, her delightful incompetence, naivety and predilection for Chaka Khan are what make her so appealing to me. That when all hope seems lost she can persevere.

And much like Ms. Jones I want to take control of my life, if not perhaps a month late for new years resolutions. I plan to create a something other than a feast of blue soup, omelette and marmalade that might stand as a testament to our difference.

* You eat carbs, for Christ’s sake! *

To accept that despite any body parts resemblance to a particularly large south American country that there is a Darcy out there for all of us even if we have to wade through our own paralyzing neurosis and fuck-up occasionally continually in order to find them.

So then, avid and non-existent reader what follows will be a diary/relationship column/cultural reference hell but do please bear with me.

I really just want to have committed to doing something other than eating a whole wheel of cheese once a week for a year.

*To Bridget. Just as she is*

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